It’s been a long time since I’ve shared some good writing advice from an author. This piece comes from Ross Gay, award-winning poet and essayist, whose latest collection, The Book of Delights: Essays came out earlier this year. He’s also a professor at Indiana University and a big sports fan and former college football player–and what delights Gay are many and varied things, which is, for this reader, delightful.
Before I share his advice, I’ll share a story: I’m a little embarrassed to say that while I’m only 27K into my new WIP, I already have its epigraph–you know, the quote or quotes at the start of a book that suggest theme. In my WIP’s case, the working themes are around loss, sorrow, and joy. Loss we can all try to get our heads around together.
But sorrow is really loaded–especially for me as a Catholic. Funny thing, a friend of ours recently learned what my family’s parish is called. “Our Lady of Sorrows,” he said. “How depressing.” I’d never thought about the name, a common descriptor for Jesus’s mother, Mary, as depressing. For, like Mary’s, our sorrows are borne together; sometimes, they’re necessary, even life-changing, lifting us all up. I couldn’t articulate this to our friend at the time, but his words got me to thinking about the transformative power of sorrow.
That’s about when I started reading Ross Gay, and who knows if his words will stick as one of two quotes in the epigraph of a novel not even half finished, but these words of his, from his essay “Joy is Such a Human Madness,” have served as a good thematic guide:
What if we joined our sorrows, I’m saying. / I’m saying: What if that is joy?
Ross Gay, The BOOK Of Delights: Essays
About the time I jotted this quote down was when I learned that Gay, like this aspiring author, is a Northeast Ohio native–making the possibility that I might one day hear him read in person pretty decent. (Joy!)
Until then, I’ll read his poems and essays and delight in learning about this inspirational author through interviews, like this one with Toni Fitzgerald in The Writer, in which Gay talks about his writing inspirations and process–our writing advice for the day:
…usually it’s thinking, reading, studying, trying to find something that turns you on and going for a bit.
Ross Gay
Rust Belt Girl 
What great advice. Writing is such a joy but can be hard work x
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It sure can. Yes, and I think sometimes this writer (me) focuses on the slogging hard work of writing instead of the joy in it. Today, I’m working on being delighted by what I read and write. Thank you for stopping by!
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Love this. I also have always loved how the Mother of Sorrows enables sorrow to be normal, something that is part of life and isn’t just icky and depressing, but can actually lead to joy. Great post!
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YES! You put it better than I could. Thank you!
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Try ‘Our Lady of PERPETUAL Sorrow’. This always got me!
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Right!? No let-up at all! You got it.
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No let up is right!!
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I can think of instances of beauty in my life that were born of great sorrow. I never thought of that beauty (and the joy derived from it) as being created by a joining of sorrows, but that can be so true. Thank you for sharing Gay’s insight.
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I just bought his book as well. Again, thanks for sharing.
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You’re welcome. And thank you for visiting the blog!
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Writing is hard work and sometimes not joy but a hard slog. However there are days where it is enjoyable.. When the characters talk to me and the words flow. I had never thought before about our lady of sorrow, interesting post.
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Great piece of writerly advice. I’m definitely taking this to heart and have seen it work in action.
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Thanks, Becca! So often (especially in fiction writing) we writers are told to probe what scares us, what keeps us up at night. But I think it’s also beneficial to probe what we find joy in. I appreciate you stopping by!
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All I could think of when I read your words, loss, sorrow, and joy, was the journey I shared with my mom and her dementia. Or our dementia. All the loss, all the sorrow, all ended in joy for the final release from the loss and sorrow. Excellent advice you’ve shared. xx
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Oh goodness, Shelley, I got all misty reading your words. I’m so glad you found joy after such a tough journey at your mom’s side. I mean, sometimes this kind of advice sounds like us Midwesterners putting icing on something that really stinks, but if we can’t find joy, then what? I’m so glad this post hit home for you–and that writer’s advice has for me!
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